Is My Check Engine Light Broken?

Read This When You Can't Stop Comparing Your Timeline

Dear Little Me,

People say not to compare timelines. That advice ignores reality.

There is a biological window. It closes whether you feel ready or not. Modern medicine extends it, but it doesn’t remove the pressure. Anyone pretending otherwise is avoiding the issue.

So what happens when the desire still doesn’t show up even as the timeline is clearly narrowing?

Why don’t I feel what everyone says I should? Why do I feel separate from the conversation entirely?

What if the drive for motherhood is not purely emotional.

It is a nervous system response. And bodies conditioned for long-term self-reliance do not seek additional dependence. They avoid it automatically.

If you’ve spent years being the provider, the stabilizer, the problem-solver, your system is calibrated around control and continuity. Children introduce uncertainty, vulnerability, and reliance on others. A system optimized for survival does not initiate expansion.

So the absence of desire isn’t rejection.

It’s protection.

Your body isn’t asking for more responsibility because it hasn’t finished securing itself yet.

This is why high-functioning women get stuck here. And until safety is felt not imagined, not rationalized the signal doesn’t fire.

Nothing is wrong with you.

But nothing is “waiting to magically turn on,” either.

If the engine isn’t starting, stop staring at the dashboard.

Instincts do not activate because time is running out.

They activate when the body believes support will stay, collapse won’t follow, and dependence won’t become punishment.

If the engine isn’t starting, it’s information.

And the question isn’t whether something is wrong with you.

The question is what your system still considers unsafe and why.

Sincerely,

Ellyette

If you made it this far, thank you! (: